


Grief and Tenderness

by DreamingStill



Category: New Tricks
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Lime, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-29 17:53:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7693849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingStill/pseuds/DreamingStill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sandra is grieving the death and loss of a close friend, Robert sees and wants to help her but will a misunderstanding get in the way of them finding happiness. It takes place around season 9 and 10 so there are spoilers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters 1 and 2 are linked, different POVs of the same situation, the first is Robert’s POV. This is a romance and hurt/comfort, with a little bit of angst and some fluff. Spoilers for seasons 9 and 10.  
> This is unbeta’d so forgive any mistakes. Originally posted on FF.net.  
> Let me know what you think and enjoy!

Grief and Tenderness - Chapter 1

###

DAC Robert Strickland knew that the majority of those who worked in the MET, including UCOS, considered him to be a somewhat self-serving officer and he didn’t completely disagree with that description of himself. There was no doubt that he wanted the departments under his authority to look good, he would not be DAC is he didn’t, and he did particularly enjoy praising UCOS's exemplary clean-up rate. Despite being thought of as a self-serving he was still a strong supporter of Sandra and her team. He navigated the political barrage and murky waters of the upper MET and did his best to use his influence within the MET to protect them when necessary. Although he wished that he would not have to defend them quite so often as he did and that the team wouldn’t break the rules as blatantly as they do. But he was willing to accept their actions if a result was achieved and that was more than most other DAC’s would do for their departments.

It was with these thoughts in mind late one evening, well after everyone else had left for home, that Robert walked down to UCOS to drop off a couple of files for a new case. He passed through the doors to the main office and headed towards Sandra’s office but paused as the sound of crying drifted out of the room through the slightly open door. In a few quick strides he closed the remaining distance to the door and gently pushed it open. The sight that greeted him made his heart ache in a way he was not accustomed to. Sandra was sitting on the ground, knees drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped around her knees, her head buried in her arms, sobbing.

“Sandra?” he questioned gently.

His voice startled her and she jerked her head up to see who had called her name.

"S...s...sir....?”

At first her expression was one of surprise at seeing him but this quickly turned to one of disgust, her hands clenched and she once more buried her head in her arms as if trying to forget that he was there. 

Robert stood there for a few moments unsure of what to do. This was not an aspect of Sandra Pullman that he was used to dealing with. She had always seemed like someone who could take on everything and handle anything that life threw at her. She had and would remain a competitive and ambitious woman but that is what made her so good at her job. She had a fierce temper to be sure; he had been on the receiving end of that temper more times than he would like to count and she was a fearsome woman to behold when she got angry. But no matter how difficult a case or situation had gotten Sandra had always come through in the end, not always by the means that she should have, but she had always gotten there in one piece, especially with the help of her boys.

Her boys....Jack.... Of course, that was what this was about. He knew the team had all taken the news badly, that they were mourning the loss of a valued colleague and a dear friend. What he had not taken into account, what he had forgotten, was that Jack had been more than just a mentor to Sandra, he had been like a father to her and of course she would be devastated at his passing. But why was she here, after hours, alone in her office? Why was she not with Gerry and Brian? Why was she hiding her grief?

Robert had long admired Sandra as an attractive, strong and intelligent woman and capable detective. Since he first met her there had been something, he had not known how to describe it, but there had just been something about her that had captivated him. Over the years feelings of admiration and attraction had turned to something more but he always admired the beautiful woman beneath a guise of professionalism. And now he wanted to help her, to comfort her. But would she let him? The look of disgust at seeing him was clearly a sign that she did not want him anywhere near her but he could not just leave her cry on her office floor, what kind of person would he be if he did that? He had to go to her.

Having made his decision he slowly walked over to Sandra and knelt beside her. In a soft voice he called her name and gently touched her arm, which twitched at his touch but she didn’t do anything else. Feeling emboldened by this Robert moved and sat on the ground beside Sandra; he wrapped both his arms around her and pulled her to him. Sandra made a small noise of surprise at this that interrupted her crying and became taut and uncomfortable as she leaned against him. Robert rubbed his hand along her arm and whispered, “It’s okay to cry Sandy. You are not alone now.” When he heard Sandra sob and felt her body shake with renewed grief he briefly tightened his hold on her and continued to rub her arm until she cried herself out. They stayed like that, wrapped in each other’s arms, on the office floor for quite some time even after Sandra had stopped crying.

Eventually Sandra made a move to get up and Robert let her go without saying a word. She went to her bag, pulled out a tissue and tried to compose herself. Robert slowly got to his feet and only then did realise how numb his legs had gone from sitting on the floor for so long and he stretched a little to get the blood moving again. All the while Sandra stayed with her back to him and when she finally spoke it was only to say, “Sorry sir.”

“Sorry?” he questioned, not understanding why she was apologising.

“This...this outburst, it, well, it won’t affect my work on the case. Sir. And em....it won’t happen again.” And with that she grabbed her bag and all but ran from the office.

Robert, who had been about to reassure Sandra that everything was alright, stood bewildered by the sudden turn on events and Sandra’s abrupt departure. He released a breath that he had not realised he had been holding and rubbed a hand over his face. What was he supposed to do now? He could understand if she was somewhat embarrassed by the whole situation but surely she could not be so embarrassed as to run off like that? He had thought that she had been alright with him comforting her; she would have thought that it was out of character for him but given the circumstances surely she would have known that he only meant the best. What did she think he was going to do, tell her that because she was so upset, that she had gotten emotional over Jack’s death that she was no longer fit for her job?

Should he go after her, try to find out what was wrong, try to explain his side of things? No, he thought, now would not be a good time, Sandra needed space and time to gather herself. Then perhaps he would talk to her tomorrow, which would give her some breathing space and him some time to think of what to say that would swiftly clear up the current confusion. He would talk to her after work tomorrow and explain that he had only wanted to help her, to make sure she was not alone in her grief. He knew what that felt like and he certainly did not want Sandra to feel that. Tomorrow he would sort this misunderstanding out and perhaps Sandra might begin to see him as a man who cared for her and who wanted to help her rather than an autocratic boss.

###


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mirroring the first but is Sandra’s POV. Enjoy!

Grief and Tenderness - Chapter 2

###

Just one more hour.... just half an hour left.... just five minutes to go. Sandra Pullman was barely holding herself together; she was on edge, her emotions unstable and volatile and her thoughts muddled and inconsistent. It had been four days since they had heard of Jack’s death, four days since Brian had told them what he had known, that Jack had gone to Italy knowing he would never see them again, knowing that he would die there. Four days since part of her world had collapsed around her, four days since she had lost a father figure for the second time in her life. A father figure who had been one of the few constants in her life, who had been there for her over all the years, who had watched her grow as a police woman, as a detective, who had been her mentor on the murder squad and later her unofficial second-in-command in UCOS. Four days.... Herself, Gerry and Brian were nearly finished the current case but she really did not know whether they would make it out of the case as a team, they had all been at each other’s throats since they had gotten the news. Was it time to leave yet? Sandra looked out of her office into the main area. The boys were gone, they must have left without saying goodbye or perhaps had they had said goodbye and she had not heard. What did it matter either way?

As if on autopilot Sandra stood up and started getting ready to go home. Oh how she just wanted this day, this week to be over, to put the now constant bickering between Gerry, Brian and herself behind them, to move on. Move on? They could not move on, she could not move on, Jack was dead! Jack was.... Jack was.... oh God, Jack was dead! The grief that Sandra had been holding in, the anger and angst that had passed between the team over the last few days, the pain, the loneliness, everything just bubbled over.

Sandra let out a sound that was somewhere between a sob, a gasp and a wounded animal. She stumbled backwards, her back hitting the wall and wrapped her arms around her middle trying to hold herself together as the sobs raked through her body. She soon slid to the ground, drawing her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her knees and burying her head in her arms she let the tears take over. 

She did not know how long she had sat there crying when a voice suddenly called her name and she jerked her head up to see who had called her name. Oh God! Not him, anyone but him, she thought as she saw Robert Strickland standing in the doorway of her office staring at her. “S...s...sir...?,” she questioned, hoping against hope that she was hallucinating and that the sound of her voice would make the apparition disappear. When the mirage did not vanish, the knowledge that it really was Robert Strickland standing there sunk in with vicious clarity. Sandra’s shock at seeing Strickland turned quickly to self disgust at the fact that he would see her in such a state as this. Her hands clenched her upper arms and she once more buried her head in her arms trying to forget that he was there, willing him to just walk away.

She continued to hide like that hoping to hear his retreating footsteps but when she eventually heard footsteps they were not receding but coming closer to her. She heard him say her name in a soft voice from beside her and when he touched her arm she jerked in surprise. Was he kneeling beside her? Why was he doing this? Why would not he just leave her be and not torment her further? She did not expect him to sit down beside her on the ground and to wrap both his arms around her pulling her into a comforting embrace. The impromptu show of comfort and care resulted first in a squeak of surprise and then embarrassment and unease set in and Sandra’s body went taut in as she leaned against him.   
She did not know what to do, she wanted run as fast and as far as she could away from the office, to escape the mortification of him seeing her like this, but at the same time she wanted forget and abandon herself in the consoling embrace. She wanted, needed, the comfort and reassurance but at the same time she was ashamed at what she saw as her own weakness and fragility. There were just too many thoughts in her head and too many emotions were swirling around in her mind. 

Robert rubbed his hand along her arm and whispered, “It’s okay to cry Sandy. You are not alone now.” That was all she needed to reopen the gateway to her emotions. It was permission to cry, acknowledgement of her pain and acceptance of her grief. She did not know when someone had last given her all of those.... probably Jack. She let the tears flow and the pain descend as her body shook with renewed grief and she began to cry again. She finally relaxed into Strickland’s embrace as he briefly tightened his hold on her and continued to rub her arm. Sandra eventually she cried herself to silence and an emotive numbness that follows an excess of feeling. 

As they stayed curled up on the floor of her office reality slowly crept back into Sandra’s mind and soon panic, dread and trepidation rose within her and she moved to get up. She did not notice how Robert let his arms fall off her as she stood up without saying a word; she was focused solely on retrieving her things and getting out of the office. As she cleaned up her face she heard Strickland get to his feet and stretch. She had to get out of there before he said anything. What would he say after such as emotional display? He was going to say what many in the MET would have said say, that she was and overemotional, weak woman who had no right to be a DSI. She could not let him think that she was incapable of doing her job; she could not let him demote her. With her back still to him she managed to get out a, “Sorry sir.”

“Sorry?” he questioned.

“This...this outburst, it, well, it won’t affect my work on the case. Sir. And em....it won’t happen again.”

And with that she grabbed her bag and practically ran from the office. She fled down the halls of the MET, her breathing frantic and shallow, her face a bright crimson as panic and embarrassment set in with a vengeance. Oh God, what had she done? Would she still have a job tomorrow? If she did, she’d never be able to look Robert Strickland in the eye again. Could she somehow find a way to avoid him? She would have to find a way, at least for a week or two. Oh God would this week never end!

###


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is chapter is mixed POV and swaps between Robert and Sandra. Enjoy!

Grief and Tenderness - Chapter 3

###

The next evening Robert went to look for Sandra. Playing it by ear was as far as he had managed to plan so he still had no idea of what he was going to say to her. Nevertheless he walked into the main office in UCOS and strode straight for Sandra’s office, projecting a confident manner that he did not actually feel. As he neared the door Gerry spoke without looking up from his computer, “She’s not there,” and Brian added, “She’s gone out.”

“Gone? Gone where?” 

Both men shrugged their shoulders. “All she said was that she was going out, and wouldn’t be back today,” Gerry answered in a nonchalant way as Brian muttered, “Something to do with the case.”

“Right, well it can wait until tomorrow anyway. Good evening.” He said slightly taken aback by Sandra’s absence and the disinterest of Brian and Gerry.

“Sir.” They chorused as he left and began the walk back to his office.

Well that certainly had not gone as planned, not that there had been much of a plan to begin with. He would clearly have to try again tomorrow, perhaps during the day instead. He knew that Sandra would not be too keen on speaking to him but he just wanted to reassure her that everything was alright. That he understood that she was grieving for Jack and that he had only wanted to help her; that was all, there were no hidden motives. There would be no repercussions is if that was what she feared, this was not the 1970s. 

Regardless of what year it was he was not the type of man who would hold it against her for have an emotional reaction to the death of a friend. The fact that Sandra would think that he would do such a thing did hurt, they had known each other for years, she should know him a little better that that. But perhaps she did know him and it was her grief that was clouding her judgement. In any case he needed to talk to Sandra and get her to understand the situation. The sooner he told her that the sooner things would go back to normal. Well, not that he wanted things to go back to being entirely normal but he would much prefer normal to awkward tension and avoidance.

/NT/

So the next day Robert found himself once again making his way down to UCOS to try to talk to Sandra, this time though he set out for UCOS at three o’clock in the afternoon, a time he was sure she would be there. As he entered the main office he spotted Sandra in her office and headed directly for her giving a light knock on the door as he entered.  
“Ah Sandra, glad I caught you. May I have a word?”

“Sorry sir,” she began, quickly getting up from her desk, grabbing her coat and hurrying into the main office before continuing, “We’re just heading out and it can’t wait. Gerry?”

“Now gov?”

“Yes now,” she answered a little sharply. “I’ll wait for you in the car.”

And with that Sandra walked swiftly out the door without a backward glance and went straight to her car as a constant internal monolog of ‘stay calm, keep it together’ played in her mind. She was glad of the couple of minutes to herself in the car before Gerry got there as it gave her a chance to gather herself. She leaned her head back against the headrest, closed her eyes and took some deep breaths. By the time Gerry got to the car she was outwardly calm although inside she remained in total disarray and emotional chaos. Oh why could not he leave her alone? If he was going to fire her for being an overemotional, over-sentimental woman couldn’t he just leave a note or something? If he wasn’t going to fire her couldn’t he just forget that the whole incident ever happened? She was mortified enough as it was about the whole situation without him trying to talk to her about it. When would this week be over?

/NT/

And so a couple of days of avoiding turned into six weeks of avoiding. Six weeks in which the UCOS team grieved for Jack, started to heal and began to move on. They gained a new team member, Steve McAndrew and Sandra who had not cried again since that night with Strickland had eventually realised that it was paranoia and irrationality brought on by grief and sleep deprivation that had allowed her mind to convince itself that Strickland would fire her because of her emotion outpouring. 

Given the atmosphere and view of women in the MET when she first joined it was not too far of a leap. She would not have been demoted but she certainly would not have been allowed to forget such as emotional display. She would have never heard the end of it and would have been mercilessly teased and jeered at for months if not longer because of it. Adding to that was the incident with the dog that had gotten her redeployed to UCOS, which had meant to be a punishment and a semi demotion. The grief and embarrassment of that evening with Strickland had left her in a very venerable and childlike state and her mind had chosen the most illogical yet feared scenario and run with it. She knew that it was absolutely ridiculous that anyone would be fired for being emotional and that Strickland of all people would do it. But in that moment her mind had convinced her whole heartedly that he would demote her. It was ridiculous but in that moment it had been very, very real. 

This realisation only increased her embarrassment and her wish to avoid Strickland over the whole situation. The situation in which she had opened up, allowed herself to be at her most vulnerable around him, whereby she had let him comfort her and hold her in his arms. He was her boss, all he cared about was politics within the MET, about how well the departments were doing and what their case closure rates were. The only reason that he seemed concerned for the team or used his contacts to help them was because it might cause trouble upstairs, particularly for the commissioner. No, he did not care personally about the team and especially not for her! 

For Robert, that night of comforting Sandra had opened his eyes to the extent of his feelings for her. And over the six weeks he had at first tried to quell his growing feelings for her which had only resulted in a few weeks of depression and tyrannical moods in work that he had not had since his divorce. He had always admired Sandra as both a police detective and as a person, her dedication to the job, her loyalty to her team and her unquenchable spirit. What he had all along tried to convince himself was merely admiration he realised now had grown into something much more. He had grown to care for Sandra far more than he should as her boss. He wanted to be more than just her boss, he wanted to make her happy, make her smile and laugh. He loved her. 

This realisation of the depth of his feelings for Sandra scared him a little. He had always found her attractive and there had been times over the years he had flirted with her and she had flirted back although she had never let it go too far. Could she have only flirted back because she felt obliged to, as a way of trying to be polite because he was her boss, maybe she only did so because she felt sorry for him. It was also possible that she flirted back out of amusement and because she thought it was fun without actually having any feelings for him at all. Or maybe, just maybe, she had feelings for him and perhaps there was hope of something more. 

/NT/

In the sixth week of avoidance, while the embarrassment remained for Sandra, it lessened somewhat, enough that she recognised that she would have to stop avoiding Strickland and apologise for her behaviour over the past few weeks. Along with this recognition Sandra had begun to think about Robert Strickland as someone other than her superior. He was a classic, no-nonsense kind of man, who did things by the book, well mostly by the book he had on occasion let the UCOS team get away with things they should not have. He had a strong dedication to justice but also his own political aspirations, this much Sandra knew and understood quite easily. It was when she started thinking of Strickland not as a DAC or someone working in the MET but instead as a warm blooded man that Sandra found herself somewhat confused as to what she thought and felt.

Robert Strickland as a man was, she had to admit to herself, a handsome man and he did look very well in uniform but he was also her boss. What happened that night was out of character for him or at least out of character for the man that she knew. Robert Strickland was not the type of man to go around comforting grieving women. So why did he do it, why console her? What if, what if he cared about her, more than a colleague or superior should? Sandra was not sure how she felt about that. Did she fancy him? Well yes she kind of did. But did she want something more? That was a question she was not sure she had an answer to. He was a good looking man who she found and was attracted to but to want something more, to possibly want a relationship with him was something else entirely. But maybe she did want something more. At this point the only thing she did know for certain was that she needed to apologise to Strickland for her behaviour on that night and over the last several weeks. Her feelings, whatever they were, were going to have to wait.

###


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mixed POV. Fluff ahead. Enjoy!

Grief and Tenderness - Chapter 4

###

Sandra took a breath and tried to calm her nerves as she raised her hand to knock at the door, and waited for the invitation to enter. When it came she quietly pushed in the door, slipped through the opening and closed it behind her. Sandra watched as the figure behind the desk composed himself once he noticed who was looking to speak to him. As neither of them had seen each other in weeks, he had not been down to UCOS and Sandra had not been to his office in weeks, with any communication about cases being through email, his surprise at seeing Sandra was evident.

"Sandra, umm... What -,” Strickland began but Sandra held up her hand to stop him.

"Please, I've been building up the courage to say something all morning, so let me say it before I back out. I eh ...I want to apologise for avoiding you over the past few weeks. I was embarrassed and I didn’t know what to do or say so I just stayed away. I emm... Jack meant so much to me and I was fighting with Gerry and Brian and then you came along and well, acknowledged my pain and grief and it was all just too much and I didn’t know what to do and I wasn’t thinking properly and I... I don’t know it just sort of got out of hand. I know it was stupid....” she trailed off not knowing what else to say.

“No it wasn’t, it wasn’t stupid at all Sandra. Can you not see? What it was, was human. You were grieving and grief can make all of us act in ways and say things that we would not ordinarily say and do. You had every right to mourn Jack’s passing and no one should deny you that right, not me or the MET or Gerry or Brian.” Strickland paused briefly before adding, “But you also should not deny yourself that right to grieve.” 

Sandra who had been studiously looking at a point just to the right of Strickland suddenly looked him in the eye at those words. And as she looked into his eyes she saw something in them, and the intensity, the depth of feeling and emotion in his gaze unnerved her a little. She did not know what to say in response to his words or his gaze and so made a hasty exit saying, “Well em, that was all I wanted to say. Good night sir.” She left feeling frazzled and more than a little embarrassed but proud of herself that she had said something and.

“Good night Sandra.” Robert said as he watched her leave, wanting to say more to her but acknowledging to himself that this was not the time. He was sure that Sandra had seen the emotions he had tried so hard to conceal and while he had seen panic in her expression and eyes he had not seen disgust or any other repugnant based expression. He would have to give it a bit more time before approaching her about how he felt and hopefully she would not reject him. 

As Sandra made her way back to UCOS she was very confused and the all too familiar feeling of there being just too many thoughts and emotions swirling around in her mind to think straight had returned. The feeling remained with her for the rest of the day and it was only when she got home that night, sat in the kitchen with a large glass of wine that she began to digest what had happened, her thoughts and her feelings. 

Since her talk with Strickland earlier that day she reconciled herself to the idea that Strickland might actually have feelings for her, the look in his eyes had told her that much, and that she too might have feelings for him. But she was not too sure of where to go from there. Should she say something to him or just ignore the whole thing? Ignoring things had not worked over the past six weeks and would not work going forward either therefore she could not do that. So perhaps she should say something but what was she to say? And what would he say to her if she did broach the subject. Never mind what he would say, what would the UCOS boys say if they found out that she fancied Strickland and he fancied her. She would never hear the end of it, especially from Gerry, who had been bad enough over the years any time Strickland had spent more than a minute alone with her or when she had had to go to functions with Strickland. There was going to be hassle from someone whatever she chose to do and it was not going to be easy.

/NT/

After Sandra had apologised the tension had eased somewhat and both Sandra and Robert relaxed more around each other. The strain of the past few months had begun to ease and the atmosphere between them became quite affable. While they still remained professional they no longer stood at opposite ends of a room when they happened to be in the same room together, they greeted each other when they passed in the corridors rather than astutely avoiding eye contact and when they spoke there was warmth in both tone and expression that had not been present previously. 

However in spite of the gradual change over the subsequent three weeks following the apology both Sandra and Robert independently agonised over what to say and when to say it. It was only in the third week that an opportunity to broach the subject arose. Sandra had to call to Strickland’s office one evening to hand in the files of UCOS’s latest solved case before she left for home. As she entered the office Strickland looked up from the pile of papers he had been studiously working through and gave her a small smile. That smile and the affection of his expression and gaze gave Sandra butterflies in her stomach, making her suddenly feel like a teenage school girl trying to talk to her crush. She was a woman who was use to being in control of herself and her emotions but lately and especially now, around Robert Strickland she was anything but in control. It was a feeling she both loathed and loved.

“Here are the files for the case.”

“Thank you, no problems with it?” Robert asked and as he took the files from Sandra he let his hand brush against hers. For the past week he had been building up to say something to Sandra but every time he was going to he kept hesitating because he would suddenly feel worried and panic that she did not feel anything for him. So in a somewhat underhanded method he let his hand brush hers as he took the files to see if she would react to the unexpected touch. Her answering blush and stumbled response of, “N..no”, was all the indication on how she felt he needed. He was tired of hiding his feelings and as the past several months had shown him, life was too short not to take a leap of faith and the chance of happiness. He had to say something and it was now or never.

“Sandra, I eh,...I want to say something, something that might be considered somewhat forward.” He cleared his throat before continuing, “I like you Sandra, very much so and I have for a very long time. I know you see me only as a DAC who only cares about how well the departments are doing and the politics within the MET. But I care about you Sandra, you are a beautiful woman and I have always thought so. I know this may seem sudden but the last few months have shown me that there is no point in trying to hide or suppress the truth and you deserve to know the truth about I how feel. I hope you will consider the possibility of something more between us.” 

All at the same time Sandra was confused, elated and worried. This is what she had hoped and feared she would hear. As she realised her feelings for Strickland she had hoped that he felt the same but at the same time she feared a romantic relationship, with its emotional commitment and inevitable heartache. But the last few months had been torture and surely even a short lived romance would be better than that. But if it did end badly then they would be right back where they started; avoidance and hostility. 

“Sir, I eh...I don’t know what to say. I think you overestimate the kind of person I am, I’m ambitious and competitive and my career is my life. I don’t...” As she spoke Sandra realised how alone and isolated she had become over the years, always seeking short term flings rather than long term stable relationships. How she continued to hide behind her job and now she really did not want to be alone anymore. “When Jack died it just made everything all the more real and I didn’t know how to cope. I did not want to be weak but it felt as if my world had started to collapse around me and I just...,” she trailed off unsure of how continue.

Robert got up from behind his desk, walked around to stand in front of Sandra and reached out to hold Sandra’s shoulders. “Sandra look at me.” When she didn’t he slipped a hand under her chin to make her look at him. He did not take his hand away as he continued, “I’d be far more worried if you hadn’t shown a grief at all. You cannot begin to heal if you do not confront what is hurting you. You just lost a colleague, someone you looked up to and a dear friend. Why would I criticise your grief over that, only an emotionally defective person would do that. Sandra, you know you have long proven yourself to me. I have never questioned your capability, never, only some of your more, shall we say, dubious methods for getting results. I have only ever wanted to keep you safe from the upper MET which is unscrupulous and politicised by its very nature. Every day I have to walk the fine line between being political and keeping them happy; and doing what I think is right for the case, the department, your team and....and you.” 

He smiled ruefully as he added, “You don’t make it easy for me to keep you out of trouble.”

“You’re making me sound like a child,” she said in a voice somewhere between indignant and amused.

"Sometimes dealing with a child would be easier,” he muttered under his breath with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Sandra made an indignant noise before hitting his arm. They moved apart and Sandra sat on the chair while Robert leaned back against his desk, half sitting on it. As the minutes slipped by and they continued to talk, they were both surprised at how quick and easily the banter came and how easy it was to joke and tease each other. After half an hour the conversation moved to an end and back to a more serious tone. 

“Sandra, I do believe there is chance of something more between us and I hope you will consider it. I’m not expecting an answer now or anytime soon, you can take as much time as you need but whatever decision you make should be for what you want not what you are worried may or may not happen.” With their conversation pretty much at an end Robert had been expecting Sandra to nod and take her leave which is what had happened many times before but he certainly was not expecting what she did say.

Strickland was not the only one who could take a leap of faith, as Sandra gathered her courage, thought ‘in for a penny, in for a pound’ and asked, “Would you like to come back to mine for dinner sometime?”

Roberts’s eyebrows shot up, "Really?"

Sandra blushed and nodded her head. 

"Of course, I’d be delighted. I’m nearly finished here,” he indicate the files on his desk, “if you wouldn’t mind waiting for five or ten minutes we can make arrangements as we walk to the car park."

“Sure, I’ll just get my things from UCOS and wait just outside.” As Sandra made her way to UCOS she felt happier than she had done in many months and not quite believing what had just occurred, that she had just asked DAC Robert Strickland to her house for dinner and he had said yes. Brian, Gerry and Steve had already left for the day so the office way quite empty when Sandra picked up her coat and bag. When she arrived back at Strickland’s office she was only waiting a few minutes before he appeared out of the office, pulling his coat on. "Shall we?"

They walked down to the car park together not knowing what the future would hold, whether things would work out between them or not. But knowing that there was a chance that it could work and that chance was better than never trying or knowing. It was worth taking the risk. 

###


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter. Mixed POV. Fluff ahead, mild swearing and some limes.  
> Please let me know what you think and enjoy!

Grief and Tenderness - Chapter 5

###

Sandra could not believe that she had agreed to do this, not only had she agreed but she was the one who had come up the blasted idea in the first place. She had trouble cooking at the best of times never mind fact that the meal that she was about to start cooking for herself and Strickland was effectively a date. Sandra had never quite managed to grasp the art of cooking, a fact that her mother loved to remind her of any chance she got. She had often walked away from the kitchen for just a few minutes, only to come back to a pan of burnt onions or pasta stuck to the bottom of the saucepan. With these dejected thoughts in mind Sandra sighed heavily as she dumped the bags of shopping onto the counter. She could get through this, she told herself, all she had to do was follow the recipe and everything would work out. 

Sandra had decided on a chicken dish with a white wine and cream sauce. She pulled the recipe book over to herself and had a look over it before getting started. She chopped the vegetables while the chicken was browning, once done she removed the chicken and cooked the vegetables in the reserved drippings. As the vegetables were cooking she put the potatoes on to boil. She stirred in the wine and cream to the vegetables, added in the chicken, covered and left simmering to thoroughly cook before making up the salad and setting the table. 

Leaving the dinner to cook slowly on a low heat Sandra headed to the bathroom for a shower and to get ready for the evening. It had taken her quite a bit of time to decide on what outfit to where, she wanted something that looked nice but that was not overly dressy or a work outfit. In the end she settled for a deep midnight blue short sleeved blouse with a high collar and small V-shaped neckline and a simple black but figure-hugging skirt which gave her the desired look she was after. Her makeup was subtle, just brightening and evening her skin and highlighting her blue eyes and she had a wavy hairstyle. When she was finished she looked at herself in the mirror and was pleased with the overall look.  
She would be lying to herself if she said that she was not nervous about the evening, but it was a nervousness that was full of excited anticipation. 

Unbeknownst to Sandra, Robert was feeling much the same as she was; their myriad thoughts and feelings about the burgeoning relationship and the future mirrored each other. This was a major step in their relationship, it was a nerve wracking thing and the expectations of a long term relationship weighted heavily on both their minds. They were both rational people and acknowledged the worry, but then again being rational was not always the key to a successful relationship. They had and would both continue to have many brief moments of doubt; they were each bringing with them their own insecurities to the relationship and would have plenty more moments of vulnerability and anxiousness. Caring about someone, loving them, was a scary thing and it certainly did not make sense. All relationships had their ups and downs but as long as they were both happy and did not doubt that they cared for each other, what else did they really need?

Sandra was just heading back to the kitchen when the doorbell rang. Having thought that she had had plenty of time left before Strickland was due Sandra glanced at the clock. Only then did she realise that she had completely underestimated how long it would take her to get ready and this was not helped by the fact that Strickland was early. She gave a small sigh as she tried to control a sudden spike in nervousness and made her way to the front door to open it.

Robert Strickland stood on her doorstep, dressed in a dark forest green shirt, black jeans and a black jacket. His hair which he normally kept combed back was loose around his face, giving him a less severe and more youthful appearance.

He smiled at her and offered her the bottle of red wine that he had been holding as he said, “You look lovely.”

“Thank you, you look very well yourself. And thank you for the wine,” she said as she took the bottle of wine from him. Sandra stepped aside to let him in and led him into the sitting room. 

“It shouldn’t be too much longer,” she said as she went to pour the wine he had brought into two glasses. Once she had poured the wine she headed back into the kitchen to check on the dinner and what she found made her want to simultaneously scream in frustration and cry in anguish.

“Shit, shit, shit!” 

“Is everything alright in there?” 

“Yes, yes everything’s fine!”

Thoroughly unconvinced by the response, Robert made his way into the kitchen to find a harried looking Sandra standing over the very burnt remains of what had once been chicken and a smattering of vegetables. The potatoes had also turned out disastrously, having been very much over boiled and gone to complete mush.

“Ah, I see.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright; perhaps we could throw something together from whatever else you have?”

Dejectedly Sandra made her way over to the fridge to see what other food she had and hoped she would be able to put something together. But when she opened the fridge she found, to her horror that it was all but empty. 

“Oh. I eh, I’m afraid I don’t have much food in the fridge.” 

“Ah, so you don’t.” Robert said as he peered into the fridge over her shoulder. “There’s no way we could make anything decent out of that,” he continued as he looked at the practically bare shelves.

“That's alright, we can order in." He looked at her again and with a small smirk said, "Is your stash well stocked?"

“Don’t worry sir; wine is the one thing I have plenty of.”

"You don't have to go back to calling me 'sir'," Robert said in a slightly more serious tone.

There was a slight pause before Sandra replied with a small smile of her own, “Okay, Bobby,” and she handed him the menu for a Chinese restaurant. He gave her a warm grin in return and nodded his thanks for the menu.

They ordered the food and settled down in the sitting room with. The conversation was slightly awkward to begin with but once they both relaxed with each other the tension eased and the conversation flowed. There was a slight drop in conversation when food arrived and as they ate but once they finished eating it returned to a friendly banter.  
Eventually, long after the sun had set and well into the second bottle of wine, Robert set his drink on the table and carefully took Sandra’s glass as well. He then took one of her hands in his, and brushed her hair from her face with the other. 

“We may not have worked everything out yet but we will be able to make this work, if that is what we both want.”

As Sandra listened to him speak, all the scenarios of how things could go wrong flew through her mind. But a small voice in the back of her mind said but what if things worked out? This relationship was something that they would have to make work, something that they would need to build and would have to maintain in order for it to flourish and that was something Sandra wanted very much indeed. Sandra let out a breath she had not known she had been holding and with that breath she let all the worry and anxiousness go. She had not been herself over the past few months as grief and embarrassment had governed her but that was about to change. Sandra smiled as she felt her old self returning and said, “We can and will make this work.”

Robert beamed at her answer. "Well, I don't know about you, but I have wanted to do this for a very long time," he said as he leant forward and kissed her gently. When they separated Sandra’s gaze was fixed on his mouth where, his surprisingly full and soft lips, were now quirked in a special smile just for her. She moved closer to him and returned the kiss, this time through there was much more passion and fire within the kisses.

Robert moaned when Sandra’s fingers curled through his hair, his scalp tingling at her every caress. Robert’s breathing was shallow and too quick, heat rolled off him even through the shirt he was wearing, seeping through from his blood through Sandra’s clothes and to her skin. When they eventually broke apart they were both flushed and aroused. Sandra grinned as she whispered into to Robert’s ear, “Perhaps we should move somewhere a bit more comfortable?”

Robert smiled at her. "What an excellent idea." He stood and extended his hand, his smile growing when she took it and led him out of the living room and towards her bedroom.  
When they got there Sandra shoved Robert against the wall, hands wandering, seeking, wanting. When she slammed him against the wall Robert’s knees went weak, and he clutched at her as she found his mouth and poured what had to be months, possibly years, of pent-up desire and frustration into the kiss.

Sandra grumbled slightly when they stopped to remove some clothing but quickly shifted, bringing her arms over Robert’s back and pressing them closer together. Robert made a noise, somewhere between a moan and growl, it was a noise he did not know he knew how make, one he did not know he had inside him. Sandra nuzzled closer, kissing his neck, feeling the scrape of buttons against bare skin where they moulded into each other.

/NT/

When Robert woke the next morning the sun was high in the sky, with rays of light coming in through the window. Robert rolled onto his side to gaze at Sandra’s sleeping face, with the sunlight falling across her face and all her worries smoothed away in sleep, she looked like a sleeping angel, and he lost his breath all over again.  
As if sensing his gaze Sandra’s eyes blinked open, sleepy and blue. Robert reached out to brush the sweep of her cheekbone and closed the few inches between them and kissed her.

As they lay there happy in each other’s arms, they finally understood that some chances are worth taking because you do not know how perfect something might turn out to be.

###

Fin


End file.
